Wednesday, March 30, 2011

You are Beautiful and Capable, Part 1

Due to the weightiness of this topic and my desire to keep my wonderful readers from being bored, this post will be divided up over a couple of days.

You may have noticed a lack of posts from me the past two weeks.  

Simply, I’ve been feeling kind of down.

I know that I’ve kind of been beating a dead horse here, but I am daily surprised at how hard quitting my job has been on me (and not just hard in the way that I can no longer buy $70 peep-toe pumps at DSW just because I feel like being taller than Hubz when we go out… not that I would know anything about that from personal experience or anything).  Even though I know that I had to get out of that situation in order to save my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health, I think I had unreal expectations of what life would be like after quitting. Naively, I thought that I would suddenly become June Cleaver, the model stay-at-home wife who not only loves to cook and clean but stays perfectly thin, healthy and pleasant in the process. 

Imagine my surprise when it was still hard to wake up at 6 am to go to the gym, the dishes still didn’t do themselves, and chips and queso still mysteriously made their way into my mouth.  How strange.

Very quickly in the first week post-quitting, my self-confidence began to wither and negative self-talk and self-doubt began to seep into my heart and mind.  I felt completely drained, mentally and physically.  I didn’t want to do anything.  I was scared to reach out for support from a friend or to blog about what I was struggling with out of fear of rejection or coming off as lazy.  More than anything, I was so ashamed.  Ashamed that I had this opportunity to focus on my health, organize our way too small apartment, become a krazy coupon lady, cross things off of the list and devote time to growing in my relationship with Jesus and I was just wasting away on my couch watching an hour or two every episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter, personally funding Tostito’s brand chips and feeling sorry for poor old me.

Yesterday Hubz confronted me and I, of course, broke down.  Now as much as I make fun of lovingly tease Hubz, I must say that he is the most loving and patient man in the world.  I cried in his arms, telling him how ashamed I was and how awful I felt about myself.  In true Hubz fashion, he wiped my tears, kissed my forehead, ran his fingers through my hair and told me I was beautiful and capable of anything and everything.  Did I mention how loving he is?

Stay tuned for Part 2 as well as a super fun vlog!


1 comment:

  1. your honesty is inspiring. i love you & am praying for you...